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Broken
Broken, I crawl to you, dragging sins and shackles over barren ground
Offering nothing but putrid flesh and blood to satiate the hungry grave
No strength to raise my tear streaked face to Heaven
The wreckage of my life crumbling in your weathered hands
You could crush the shattered remnants of my soul
Beyond salvation, I lie lifeless waiting for your Sacred Breath
How long have you sorrowed as I wasted precious breath
Aspirations dropped like autumn leaves scattered on cold ground
My skin screaming curses and lies to fracture my temporary soul
Clawing the earth ferociously, I dig my shallow grave
Precious flesh and bone you've woven shredded in my taloned hands
I am lost forever falling far from your Heaven.
Yet in solitary moments you called to me from Heaven
My spirit cried out, I strained to hear your whispered breath
You broke my fall and sheltered me in your mighty hands
Dropping hope into my heart like seeds on fertile ground
You rescued me from my self made grave
You erased my shame and restored my soul
You remember the divinity within my soul
Reminding me I am a resident of Heaven
Never intended for eternal death in a shallow grave
You give me the spark of life with your Holy Breath
I am strong in you and planted on solid ground
You dress me in bridal white and cleanse this blood from my hands
And I will glorify You with every work of my hands
You are the mighty Protector of my soul
No longer condemned, I stand for you on solid ground
Sending sweet songs of adoration to Your Heaven
And I will praise You for your love with precious breath
You set me free from torment, from the grave
You remove the sins and shackles of a permanent grave
Remove the residue left by the dirty ground
And I will love you as you love me with every breath
I carry your Divinity in the center of my soul
Your precious sacrifice prepares a place with you in Heaven
My spirit soars no longer sentenced to return to barren ground
Your precious breath sets me free from the grave
Uplifted from the ground by your strong hands
The grave doesn't claim my soul, I am yours in Heaven.
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Coyote Dreams
Oye mi canto *
Lamentations to La Luna
Coyote girl **
She cries
Sonnets to the muted skies
Drunken lovers rise
Snapping tendons cloaked in sweaty expectations
Curse the veiled moon
Deluded agave blue dreams seduced
Apprehensions fangs render lesser men for ever free
Detached from guilty hands that caressed her flesh
Never majestic
She clings to broken songs
The sentenced stagger off commuted
From warm wood she births a dirge
Oye mi canto *
Under a shrouded sky
Coyote girl
She cries
Raven hair and her breath
Caught up in leathered lace
Lame betrayers limp away
Lamenting her poison embrace
Unable to recall
The sad contours of her face.
* Oye mi canto - hear my song
** Coyote girl - coyote is often used as slang for 'ugly girl' or 'Latina/Caucasian mix' or the act of freeing oneself from an ugly
partner, chewing one's arm off to escape...
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Disappointment
Disappointment is lavish resin
Embedded in the filaments
Of my porous linen skin
The hardened grave cloth
Definitive of my forever existence.
The mute reminder of shattered expectations
Brittle dreams snap in the calloused embrace
Of this second normal life
Treasured friends dropped in mental scrapbooks
They moved on as images yellow under the touch of years
I lie silent in my shroud of thoughts
Bleeding vivid crimson
Trickling disappointment on the page
First love to cover a multitude of sins
Desperate clinging bits of flesh
Shredded from passion's bones
By the blade of a name not my own
Disappointed I am yours at fires end
When love congeals around trivial things
You settled for less than best...
My words are tears of disappointment
Blurred lines I cry alone
Disappointment pinions aloft
Over desperate dreams too fragile to fly
Ragged in their survival
They twist in the swirling wind
Cry out for mercy, peace.
I am disappointed to give them only fatal release
Disappointment is only the casting of earth
On an already covered coffin
Its contents inconsequential
Ashes cold with no soul fire
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Leaving the Station
Shhh...
Shhh...
She's leaving the station again
Nightmares laying tracks
Crossing the path
Of pain
And the machine churns
Metal sharpens metal
Throwing sparks of blood and ashes
She burns
Cog in the wheel
Turning round
Is it real
Tracks of tears leave an oily stain
She's leaving the station again
Rumbling under cover
The fog of lost causes
The silence of moments unspoken
Ticking of the losses
The whistle stops
The tracks are broken
Stop all forward motion
Till someone flips the switch
Skin turns to stone
Wreckage of metal
Rust and bone
She opens depthless eyes
Denies
What she might have been
Lost in the vortex
Of the spinning machine
Engines locked under the strain
She only dreams
Of leaving the station again
Shhh...
Shhh...
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Nocturne
Desperate dreams twist in the nuclear wind
Dangling skeletal from gallows
Flaunting fatal tendencies
Clawed grasping the noxious air
Poison breeze becomes release
Hope curls fetal incomplete
Fragile birth prematurely purged from the womb
Sanctuary
Bleeding out in tombs futile
Frail marks in dust
The spasmodic flutter of wings
Transient resonance echoes fleeting
Like damp lashes on translucent cheeks
The tentative first kiss fades to ache
Love is a jackal
Cracking the marrow
From the dry bones of broken dreams
Shattered remnants of a ragged existence
Tenuous tendons cling
Furrowed lines in my fractured skull
Shallow fallow culling floor
Long after thoughts are gone
In a life time of possibilities
I am the horrific consequence
Sex and secrets and sin
Covered in scars and skin
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The Road To Goodbye
The laughter of children
Bubbling up to a summer sky
Still water so blue, reflecting you
The color of Norwegian eyes
And I know I am immortal
Dry in any storm
Because my little girl heaven
Is wrapped up safe in your arms
Yet day to day time slips away
We learn to hurt, learn to cry
Precious people pass away from us
No matter how we try
Little girl summers cleave to winter
As we travel the road to goodbye
Now older and more selfish
It's a hollow hope I bring
Yet in your eyes I see the dignity
And a soul stronger than the tears that sting
On your road to goodbye you turn and try
To gather me up in angel's wings
Precious child in my arms
Newborn eyes of Norwegian blue
Laughter bubbling up through my tears
Reminds me he's part of you
And my little boy immortal
I keep him safe and warm
Reminds me of my heaven
I first felt caught up in your arms
Once again I am immortal
Remembering those summer skies
And I still see a little girl's heaven
I see myself in your blue eyes
I know its been you always pulling me through
As I travel this road to goodbye
For Grandma Carol Bliss
And Fred Boehm
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Snakeskin Smooth
Jewel encrusted skin glistens in the warm light
Rare lapiz
Jade and smoky topaz glow
Citrine eyes bely your ancient soul
Taut muscular legs
Lean and built for speed
My fingers linger
Pulling gently on your spikes
Translucent sheath you shed
As summer trees shift from emerald to gold
Mute memories of you fall from hands that stroke
Nurture you
Onyx nails clicking
Autumns rustling chill
Yet still I remember
The warmth of your skin
My reflection jasper pupils
You knew me
Do you still?
For Ollie, our iguana...I miss the monstrous chica.
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These Breathless Moments
These breathless moments
Dreams flutter boundless
Pinioned on stellar winds
Constellations rise in indigo eyes
And I pull in spinning
Euphoric aspirations glow
In vertigo as the accretion heats
Birthing a new universe
I am astounded by the light
Interminable epochs
Found me comatose
At the divination point
The juncture of the void and life
I dance the staccato steps of departure
Memory of thin skin disappears
Beatific vision shimmers
In glistened entreaties
Lacrimae sunt arma femina. *
Console me with forever
The emulation of flight defines me
Zenith in your twilight skies
On Heaven's breath I rise
* Tears are womanly weapons.
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Thirty Two Years
I'm built like a burlap sack full of mongrel pups.
Too bad the arroyo is dry
I live in a stucco mudpile where the kitchen linoleum peels up like iguana skin.
I wanted wicker and stained glass.
Too fragile for the lions that roar on my savannah.
I can drink and curse most men unconcious.
I'm nothing like that drunken S.O.B. you married
Whose every nasty habit crawls out of my skin unbidden.
So unlike your high school sweetie.
How amazing that genes can lie.
I sing seventies soul in the shower.
Cry poetry in twilight
This tenor voiced soprano warms with age.
When I'm forty I'll sing like Tina Turner.
WishI was black so I'd have legs like that.
I wanted a spotlight.
Drowning in a testosterone saturated puddle
Of synchronized farting, moco noses
And hot wheels sprouting from the carpet
I nurture till it hurts
Yes, you can raise tadpoles in the baby pool
Say "please and thank you".
Blow that nose in your tissue not your sleeve.
I love you, I'm so proud you can count to infinity.
Your eyes are bluer
You'll be taller
You're smarter than I was at your age.
Mama, you never let me be better than you
Ten fingers and toes, all you said you wanted - wasn't enough to make you whole.
I am a bogle in your basement
What color is the bad sheep when she's the only one?
A faded white reminder of your own failures
Captured in those curling Kodak moments
Your lithe arms draped over me
Your eyes focused on the Guy du Jour
Never felt my own small heart beating
Above the thunder of your own.
My mouth full of lava soap and spaghettiOs
Never able to question your omnipotence.
You still shriek in my dreams, Mama.
A jade eyed banshee screaming for a soul I cannot give you.
I never close my eyes.
I kiss my boys damp curls while they sleep
One tousled froth of lemon merangue
One butterscotch sweet against my lips.
Perfect love.
I wonder if you ever felt that ache in your heart for me?
As you yanked that wire brush through my bristley mane
Or smacked my young ass with it?
Give me one more chance to nuzzle against you
And look up into eyes as bright as new leaves.
Let me see myself as a perfect reflection of you.
In my heart, we are whole...
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Wild Vine
I have found myself
A wild vine
Growing away from the center of You
Tendriled pathways
Coil around themselves
Clinging to rough stones
Searching for nourishment from barren ground
That cannot feed me
Leaves crushed and trampled by treading cares
Of this world
Parched and soiled, by sin
Choking out Your son light
I am unrecognizable as Your child
A wild weed to be ripped from the field
Yet you find me
Wash me clean
With gentle spring rains of love
Your word cuts away
Bruised and broken foliage
Your breath stirs me
To put forth fresh leaves
The promise of fruit restored
I can feel your life
Welling up
As you turn me again
Toward your Son
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